First, because there are so many of you who are kind and good and have checked in with me one way or another inquiring about my health and my family, here are some updates.
Health: The Great Brain Scare is over and done and behind me. My vision mostly corrected itself but I swear it took 2 years to get back to normal. I rarely notice any blurriness anymore, so whatever was going on with my optic nerve two summers ago has settled down. I still have chronic headaches that cause me a good bit of trouble but it doesn't appear to be anything serious other than tension, and I have a bag of tricks to help me manage them. The 3-month period of time I spent waiting to find out if I had an aggressive brain tumor certainly stayed with me. It's not something I think directly about every day, but I am just basically more grateful and appreciative of my life and my health and ability to see through clear eyes. Everyday is a gift. Amen.
Anxiety: Yep! Still coping with anxiety which I finally wrote honestly about here. I have had so many good conversations with people since I wrote that post, and I'm just reminding you that I'm still here if anyone ever needs to swap stories with someone who gets it. I am doing well currently, but I'm still on nodding terms with my very anxious self, constantly checking in to see if I'm okay. Anxiety is very much like a wave that is just on the horizon, and it swells up every once in a while to show you it's still out there. I haven't had the wave crash over me in a while, but I see it, feel its pull, understand that I'm never really out of harm's way completely. I feel good though, thankful, and mostly calm inside my head and heart.
My Family: Well, what can I say. The "littles" aren't little. They are both in middle school now and they are basically fully functioning humans who just delight us with their senses of humor and their big personalities, and their rooms are really messy but we love them so. Skyler still wants to save the world (and will) and the joke in our house is that Skyler could have a job or get her license or move to college next week and she would probably be just fine. She bakes some sort of triple-layer chocolate cake every week. Reed has his own style (shorts and high socks), is currently obsessed with Camp Jordan, learning to golf, water skiing, and knows every word to Hamilton (he's going in September with my mom). He could not wait to go back-to-school clothes shopping. He makes us laugh every day. He still likes hanging out with me, so I'm hanging on to that.
The older two are navigating their adult worlds in two different ways. Hillary is our city slicker, practically CEO of her company in Boston -or will be by next week- living in her hip North End apartment, and Ellis stayed in Maine, building houses from scratch and learning some new, cool skill every day. Ellis is living with us this summer which means we get him at the dinner table and for coffee in the mornings. I didn't think I could love Ellis any more than I already did when he moved in. I was wrong.
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| Red Sox game, August. |
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| Ellis and Hillary: on the deck celebrating July birthdays |
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| Skyler: 13 and in Paris |
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| Reed: 11 and at football practice |
Tim and I celebrated 4 years of marriage, and I swear it keeps getting better. I actually still wonder how I managed to pull off this life, and I am so very thankful.
Our Summer: The day after I got out of school for the summer, I ran a half marathon with Skyler in Portland and then flew that night to Italy where I met my mom, sister, and brother for a week in Milan and Verona and Lake Garda. The trip was my mom's gift to us for her 80th birthday, and it had been in the works for well over a year. I am so in love with Italy (cobble stone streets, pasta, cheese, gelato, croissants, cappuccinos, wine, sexy men, beautiful women.. should I keep going?) and having this time with my immediate family was all we hoped it would be.
Then I flew to Paris where I met Tim and Skyler and Reed at the airport and spent another 8 days exploring Paris and London. The kids were rugged travelers and were up for anything. I think 11 and 13 years old hit the sweet spot for this kind of trip.
I wrote more about Paris here, and made this video about our week. It was the trip of a lifetime.
The rest of the summer was spent at our house on the lake, and I had to try to find my balance between the two extremes: it was either a houseful of visiting family, the kids and other kids sleeping over, dinners for 12, multiple trips to the grocery store a day, people sleeping on every mattress in the house, wet towels on the floor.
OR...
total silence.
Because the kids each went to camp this summer for two weeks, and spent a week in Michigan with their dad, I had some long stretches of days with no one home. The kids weren't there, Tim was working, and I was on my own. Sounds amazing, right? I know many of you think you'd give up a limb for a week on your own, but I am often surprised to find myself feeling sad and unmoored, unable to "relax and do nothing," as I think I should. I ended up obsessively cleaning the house, reorganizing closets, painting a bathroom, going for long runs, staining the front door, reading a pile of books, all just to keep myself sane. I wanted to get out of my own way and enjoy the quiet moments. What I did was miss my kids.
Running: I am still running regularly and continue to reap so many rewards from it. It is my therapy and stress reliever and headache lifter. I still run slowly but steadily, and am honestly just happy to put the miles in. I thought I'd written off marathons forever, but found myself signed up again last winter and ran the Sugarloaf Marathon in May. Good grief, I used to write long race reports about every mile (and some of you faithfully read them!), but I honestly just don't have that much to say about it anymore. I have finished all six of my marathons in about the same time, and the only thing that has changed over time is my state of mind has steadily improved. During the May marathon, I stayed calm and collected during the whole thing, and that is now my goal: don't get dramatic and dark and overwhelmed. Just keep moving forward. I'm running another half this fall and will probably do another marathon in the spring. Weekend long runs and the satisfaction and good-sore feeling that comes after are still one of my favorite things.
I am very fortunate to have many running friends whom I can text the night before and say: "Hey want to run 5 miles with me at 5 am?" and they say: "YES!" One of my running buds arrives at my house by boat, and this is the beautiful scene while I wait for her to arrive.
The dog: Last most of you heard, we had to put down our beloved dog Ryder which broke our collective hearts. At Christmas, we surprised the kids with this little blonde puppy and we named her Juno. When we picked her out via photos from a friend who rescues and fosters puppies, we thought she was probably a lab and would be a medium/ large dog. It turns out, she's just a little thing (30 lbs fully grown), of some undetermined mix, and she's perfect. She is smart, a good listener, and very funny. I wanted a dog who was a runner and a lover, and that is just what we got.
Current food and book obsessions
All my cooking in the last few months has been inspired by Pinch of Yum, my current favorite food blogger. Follow her on Instagram. I would cook everything she posts. Enjoy!
Couscous Summer Salad (also from Pinch of Yum)
I actually made it with quinoa instead of couscous, but the beauty of this salad is all the good stuff you pile on top: Avocado, garbanzos, nectarines, sweet corn, sunflower seeds, herbs, dried cherries, YUM. I am obsessed with salads where you pile loads of good stuff on top.
Chocolate hummus
Where has this been all my life? Go get some. It's not too sweet, but nice and chocolatey. I dip fruit or crackers into it and no one else in my house will eat it so it is ALL MINE.
Call Me By Your Name
Hands down, the best book I read all summer. I read it in 2 days without coming up for air. It is the love story between two men, one younger, and it has some crazy sex scenes and is just a swirly, swoony love story. You'll never think of a peach the same way again. The writing is GORGEOUS. P.S. I hated the movie.
The Girl Who Smiled Beads
Here is my other best book of the year. I will actually be teaching this book to seniors this year and I'm so excited to talk about it with students. The story of a child who escaped the Rwandan civil war and is eventually brought to America, it will change your preconceived notions of the refugee experience. And it will break your heart.
Amateur Hour: Motherhood in Essays and Swear Words
Kimberly Harrington is funny, sassy, smart, irreverent, but also tender on the subject of love and raising kids. I laughed, I cried. You'll love it.
Well there. I wanted to get that done before the end of summer, which is certainly upon us. Thank you to those of you who have stuck with me over all the years. xoxo
